Bridge the Gap of Language Styles
A Legacy that Holds Women Back
More women than men report difficulty expressing themselves in public, gaining respect for their ideas, and speaking about controversial topics. In Eloquence in an Electronic Age, Kathleen Hall Jamieson explores the roots of this problem.
Throughout history, silence was the price a women paid to stay safe. In seventeenth-century America, an “unquiet” woman was punished on the dunking stool. With each plunge, the breathless “harpy” was commanded to renounce her verbal past. In Massachusetts, more “witches” were convicted of “assaultive speech” than any other crime.
The idea that “silence is ladylike” helped prevent women from playing a role in society. They were banned from all stages of public speech: classrooms, pulpits, law benches, jury boxes, and Congress. In some cases, they still are.
The legacy is distressing. But women can combat it by using good communication techniques relentlessly and — when necessary — bridging the gap between the sexes.
Breathe in deeply before you debate with a colleague. The big supply of air will help you keep your voice even and less emotional.
Rely on facts. Society has defined a “manly” style of communication as factual, analytic, organized, and impersonal. A “womanly” style is thought of as ornamental, narrative, disorganized, and self-disclosive. When you want to be perceived as authoritative, use concrete examples to back up your ideas.
Insist on respect. “When a man verbally attacks another man,” says Jamieson, “he is behaving in a culturally accepted way.” When a woman verbally attacks a man, however, she risks being misperceived as “a bitch.” If someone labels you, don't take it. Cool down. Then let your colleague know — with facts — why you disagreed and why you won't let him, or her, hide behind insults.
Draw on — or dampen — your strengths. When conversing, women make more eye contact. They have more expressive faces and body movements. These are good communication traits, but in some situations you may need to tone down your expressiveness and adopt an impersonal, “manly” style.
Go over your message beforehand. Videotape yourself speaking. Identify behaviors, voice pitches, and words that may give grist to the mill. Develop a plan to correct them.
Emulate the “manly” style. Many ground-breaking figures, such as Geraldine Ferraro and Margaret Thatcher, have adopted it. Watch tapes and compare their styles to yours. What do you like about yourself? What do you want to steal from them?
Building bridges is one way to make it in business — still more a man's world than a woman's. Some may discount this as counterfeiting their identity. It's not. It's effecting a change in style to make you more effective. Then, you'll have the credibility to be accepted on your terms.
Reprinted from PS for Business Communicators®, ECG's client newsletter.
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